


Discoveries

by toggledog



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Declarations Of Love, Falling In Love, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:21:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26461111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toggledog/pseuds/toggledog
Summary: Vince isn't in love with  Howard. He just isn't.(He is).He certainly doesn't secretly want Howard to bum him senseless(He does).Set during The Party and after Sammy the Crab with a happy, slashy ending for Howard and Vince.
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Discoveries

**Author's Note:**

> After revisiting the wonder that is the Boosh, couldn't get it out of my head and had to write this.  
> Enjoy!

Vince allowed his willowy body to collapse back down onto the bouncy fabric of the castle, grinning so hard the muscles around his mouth ached.

“This has been fun, don’t you think, Howard? See, I didn’t forget-“ He sat up and looked around. “Where’s Howard?”

“Oh, he left with a girl,” said the girl wearing bright colours and high hair beside him.

“He wha’?” Vince raised his eyebrows. “When?”

“A minute ago.”

“Oh…” Vince considered following him but no, that wouldn’t be fair. Howard should be allowed to lose his virginity. It had nothing to do with Vince.

“Wanna bounce again?” The girl asked.

“Huh?” Vince trailed his finger along the material beneath him, and held it up to his face, frowning at the dust beneath the pad.

“Forget it,” the girl wandered away.

With his insides, usually filled with sunshine and rainbows and meowing kittens and panting puppies, deflating, he clambered off the bouncy castle and walked back into their premises.

Sure, they’d ‘declared their feelings for each other’ but it had been to save them from the head shaman.

_I’m not in love with Howard! I’m not!_

His sunshine insides didn’t brighten whenever Howard was in the vicinity, because he wasn’t in love with him. He didn’t continually harass and annoy him, eager for the slightest attention from the man.

Not. In. Love.

He certainly didn’t sacrifice his own ( _not_ ) joy and future ( _in_ ) to make certain ( _love_ ) Howard’s own happiness was assured.

With lips uncharacteristically turned down, Vince clambered down into the living room, as shouting drew his attention down the corresponding corridor.

“Help! Help!”

“Howard!” His pulse hammering in his neck, Vince sprinted down the hall to Howard’s room, tearing the door open

-to Howard cringing up against his wardrobe, the green, grinning figure of Old Gregg leaning back against the bed opposite.

“Come on, Howard. Tell me you love me.”

“Hey! What’s happening here?” Vince asked.

In a whirl of purple turban and black hair, the tiny shaman Naboo materialised.

“What’s going on here?”

In response, Howard scrabbled against the wardrobe, as though determined to claw straight through.

“What have you done, Howard?” Naboo asked.

“I’m Old Gregg!” Old Gregg proclaimed.

Naboo sighed and clicked his fingers. Old Gregg disappeared.

“What happened? What did you do?” Vince asked, spinning around to confirm the merman wasn’t in the room, hiding behind Howard’s trombone or hat stand.

“Sent him back to his underwater house,” Naboo explained.

“But how…?” Vince asked.

“Because I’m a shaman, I have great abilities. Also, he had his travel card in his pocket.”

“Oh…”

“Alright, I’m going back to the party, Shaboo is threatening to play Charles and Eddie. I need to stop a potential riot.”

Vince expected him to disappear out of the room again, but instead the shaman pattered out along the carpet to the floor boards outside, closing the door behind himself.

“Howard!” Vince gripped Howard’s wrists, drawing his clawing fingers down, and causing an ear screeching high pitched noise along the wood of the wardrobe.

“Vince!” Howard cringed. “The girl, she asked me to come into the room, but it wasn’t her. It Old Gregg, it was…”

“Yeah, I know that, I saw him remember?”

“Oh, yeah…” Howard’s tiny eyes darted about, as usual not catching Vince’s own. It occurred to Vince that the only time he had stared him directly in the eyes had been when they had kissed.

“It’s okay,” Vince cupped Howard’s chin in his palms. “Howard Old Gregg is gone-“

Dark brown irises met pale blue. Vince’s heart slammed against his chest wall at the intimate moment.

This time, Howard was the one to brush their lips together.

“Wha’ are you doing?” Vince asked, before mashing their lips together again, tongues duelling; Howard’s wet and adventurous, Vince’s slow and tender.

They collapsed back onto the bed, lips still locked, fingers pulling apart clothes to explore flesh, Howard’s broad rough hands and slobbery mouth electrifying Vince’s flesh and mouth interior with their touch, sending currents of pleasure through his already aching body to his willing erection.

“Wait, wait, don’t tear the outfit,” Vince said, as Howard continued to pull at the fragile cloth.

“Vince,” Howard said. “I’m sorry, we don’t have to…oh…”

In the time of Howard’s rambling, Vince had removed his clothes and allowed them to slip down onto the floor.

There was no denying where the brown eyes were focused now, directly over Vince’s pale, naked flesh, causing Vince’s chest to heave in delicious anticipation, erection to creep up further.

“Now you,” Vince whispered.

“Yeah ah yeah…” Howard’s removal of his own clothing took more time than Vince achieved with his, despite Howard having no compunction about tearing the cloth of his own jazz trumpet themed shirt.

Damn it, Howard was taking too long, struggling with the zip of his trousers. Vince’s erection was already leaking precome.

_Need him, now._

He grabbed the zip and tugged, springing Howard’s own erection free and allowing him to tear his own clothes off. Vince allowed a groan to issue past his lips. Howard was bigger than he had fantasized.

“Need you,” Vince said and lowered his head down.

“Vince!” Howard screamed, as he sucked the turgid flesh, utilising his talented hand, tongue and mouth to cause Howard to wriggle and moan beneath him, his own flesh scorching at causing the man he ( _loved_ ) had fantasized this very scene about such pleasure. “Vince wait…”

Climbing on his hands and knees back up Howard’s broader torso, to reach his mouth, Vince pecked his lips, before their tongues once again duelled, Howard reciprocating Vince’s own stroking hand, with less admitted finesse, but it was still better than his own hand.

“Yes, Howard,” Vince bit down into Howard’s ear. “Yes.”

“Vince!” Howard’s frame froze, hips jolting, as his come spilled over Vince’s hand and his own stomach. Viewing the scrunched up ecstasy on Howard’s face as he came was enough to cause Vince to reach his own heights, flinging his head back and moaning, as tremors of electric passion washed over his being.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Howard said, lips rough on the underside of his chin, before a now sleepy Vince rolled off him, pulling the blankets up over themselves.

Now the fever was over, their tension finally resolved, Vince wasn’t sure what the next step would be.

No step, his single brain cell told him. Because this didn’t mean anything. It’s not as though we’re in love. That would be ridiculous.

“I think I’ll…” Vince sat up and reached down for his clothes, pulling them on. “Think I’ll now leave.”

“Yeah, probably a good idea.”

Vince blinked, not expecting his reaction from Howard.

“Yeah…sure…” By the time he’d placed the outfit back on, soft snores had erupted from Howard’s larynx.

Vince departed the room and went back into his own. The party had lost its spark.

*

Howard returned.

Of course, he was always going to. This was, after all, Howard Moon.

Vince hadn’t been too bothered when Howard said he was going to Hollywood, telling himself he would be surprised if Howard didn’t even get as far as Shoreditch. Hence, Vince _was_ surprised when after six hours, Howard didn’t return, which turned to concern when six hours turned to one day, then two days, then five. A week.

No matter, Vince had his own life. His own friends. He didn’t need Howard Moon.

After two weeks of Vince partying, but not feeling the right vibe, and gradually withdrawing from the party scene, Howard returned.

_What’s wrong with me?_

Within minutes of Howard returning, he bolted upstairs. Typical Howard Moon. Couldn’t stay around for more than five minutes before he had a crisis.

“I better go see he’s okay,” Vince said to Naboo and Bollo, before clambering up the stairs after his best friend.

He discovered Howard in his room, sitting by the window and blowing in a fruitless fashion on his trombone. Clamping down on the shudder Howard’s jazz always provoked, Vince moved further into the room.

“Howard…”

“Don’t talk to me, Vince.”

“So, you acted in a commercial about gas. What’s the big deal?”

Howard slammed the trombone back down into its case. “What the _big deal_? That was meant to be my big break! I feel humiliated.”

“Did you really want to leave?” Vince asked, in a small voice.

“Well, _you_ were going to leave me! Go and play in that band.”

“That’s only cos you were going to leave me!” Vince pouted.

“We’re going round in circles,” Howard said, frowned and leaned forward, puckering his lips.

“Wha' are you doing?” Vince asked, reeling back.

“What do you think I’m doing?” Howard asked.

“No, no we’re not doing this again!”

“Fine,” Howard withdrew and turned back to the window, picking up his trombone. “Go on then, go suck on a lolly or read a copy of Cheekbone or talk to the animals or whatever else you wanna do for fun.”

“You don’t…I can’t do this…” Vincent said.

“Can’t do what?” Howard asked fingering his instrument.

“Us… whatever this is…” Vince said, gesturing between them.

“Yes, fine…” Howard glared at Vince. “Whatever.”

“You’ve gotta admit, Howard, we don’t work together. We can’t work together. We’re too different.”

Howard shrugged. “Yes, that’s fine.”

Vince bit his lip. “You mean that?”

“What do you want me to say, Vince?” Howard placed the trombone down in its case once more. “I told you when I make that leap across the physical boundary, that’s it for me, I’m going to be in love with you for life.”

“Yeah and then dumped me for the first girl who batted her eyelashes at you… who turned out to be a fish man,” Vince said, hurt slicing across his abdomen at the memory.

“It was my first experience with anyone. I was confused! It’s as you told me, you’re the great confuser. Furthermore, you’re my best friend. I needed time to sort out my feelings, to comprehend that I’m-“ A light pink dusted Howard’s cheeks.

Vince stepped towards him, his curiosity overcoming his former angst.

“That you’re what?”

“It doesn’t matter! You said we don’t work together. We’re too different.”

“Comprehend that you’re what?” Vince took another step forward, to now force Howard to take a step back.

“Vince…” Howard’s adam’s apple rose up and down as he swallowed.

“Go on…” Vince said, stepping into Howard’s body space. This time, Howard didn’t move away from him.

“Vince, I told you years ago I was in love with you, in the Tundra remember? And you laughed at me.”

“You caught me off guard, that’s all,” Vince said. “I wasn’t prepared for such an open display of vulnerability. You know me, I’m well shallow. I don’t know how to deal with the deep stuff.”

“Well, I am deep, I can’t handle rejection.”

“Well don’t reject me, then!”

“I’m not rejecting you, _you’re_ the one rejecting _me_ ,” Howard said. “You’re the one who said-“

Vince cut him off by planting his mouth on Howard’s, shoving his tongue into the other’s warm interior. Howard moaned, grabbing Vince by the silken fabric of his shirt and pulling him forward and their clothes up, to rub the naked flesh together.

This time, when they stumbled back onto the bed and undressed, Howard was the one to slide down Vince’s body, to take his erection into his mouth. As soon as the mouth enclosed over his willing flesh, Vince jolted his buttocks, crying out with ecstasy, and gripping Howard’s soft, springy hair. As he licked and sucked and nibbled, Vince moaned, before shouting, as Howard was a little too frisky with his incisors.

“Woh, careful with the teeth, Howard…”

“Sorry,” Howard mumbled, the words muffled by the flesh in his mouth.

“Wait, wait…” Vince fumbled around Howard’s bedside dresser and pulled out a tube of brown liquid.

Howard moved up from his erection and Vince wiggled the liquid in front of him.

“What’s this?” He asked.

Howard’s flushed pink cheeks upraised Vince’s pulse even further. “It’s ah trombone polishing cream. Biodegradable.”

“Biodegradable? As in non-toxic?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I-?” The tiny eyes widened as Vince poured the liquid onto his fingers, spread and lifted his legs and inserted first one, then two, then three fingers inside himself.

“Vince…” Howard moaned, gripping his erection and stroking.

Moaning, Vince pressed up against his own sweet spot inside himself with his long fingers, the bliss building to inexplicable, almost pained levels.

“Don’t touch me there, or it’ll be over too soon!”

Howard instead moved his hand to grip his hip, bringing their lips together again.

“You enjoy kissing, don’t you?” Vince said, as they broke apart, wrapping his legs around Howard’s own hips.

In response, Howard stroked his hand through Vince’s hair, goosepimpling the flesh with his tender touch.

“I’ve always loved your hair,” Howard said.

“Of course you do, everyone does,” Vince said, withdrawing his fingers. “Now, do it, get in me.”

“You sure? Because I don’t want to hurt you I could never…”

“Yes, yes do it.”

Vince flopped his head back and moaned, as Howard’s girth gently entered him, stretching the flesh in delectable fashion. Howard’s hands continued to gooseflesh wherever they touched, through his hair, down his neck, over his chest, pebbling his nipples. It had been a while, and Vince was not used to being taken with such concern, his other male lovers slamming into him in a way that combined pain and pleasure. This time, however, there was only pleasure.

“Howard…” Vince moaned, wiggling forward to allow more of him inside him. “More.”

Howard inched forward until he was fully inside his lover, his breath hot against his neck.

“You alright?”

“Yes, Howard. Damn, you don’t need to… Just fuck me, alright?”

Howard kissed his lips. “This isn’t about fucking, Vince. This is about making love.”

“Alright, alright. Wha’ever.”

Howard grinned down at him. It occurred to Vince that he rarely smiled. When he did, he became truly beautiful.

“Fuck me, please...”

“Alright alright… so needy…” Howard said, jolting inside him, and slamming into his sweet spot with each thrust, causing an explosion of passion inside, that he experienced from his tongue, to his earlobe, to his toes.

“Yes, yes…” Vince moaned.

“Oh Vince…” Howard kissed along the line of his jaw, slobbery saliva dripping down his neck. “I love you, Vince. Love you so much.”

“Yes, Howard yes,” they moved liquid together, up and down, in and out. Howard’s spicey sweaty scent filled his nostrils, his tongue tasting of coffee and the rancid sausage roll he’d evidentially eaten at a train station on the way back to the Nabootique. No matter, this was Howard Moon, ying to his yang, jazz to his electro-ponce.

“Yes…”

Vince was building, culminating to the pinnacles of rapture one can reach. He gripped Howard tighter, sliding his tongue along his neck, the ticklish bristles of his neck hair adding another shade to the bright and vivid colours of his passions.

“Vince…” Howard said, as he trailed his tongue up, to trail along Howard’s moustache, unable to hold on any longer.

“Howard!” Vince flung his head back, reaching his pinnacle and tumbling over, moaning and gushing come between them.

“Vince,” Howard bit down into his left clavicle, as familiar warmth filled him, before collapsing down on top of him.

Still shuddering in his come down, and delighting in Howard’s own trembling frame, Vince kissed along his jaw, experiencing the loss, as his lover slipped out of him.

“Alright, sleepy now,” Vince said, releasing his hold on Howard’s waist, and instead tangling their legs together.

“Don’t leave me,” Howard whispered. “Please, Vince.”

Vince wrapped a finger around one of Howard’s curls.

“I’m not gonna leave you. I love you, you nonce.”

He suspected the shudder that followed was one of relief, before Howard encircled his warm arms around Vince’s waist, turning them so they were on their side.

Vince breathed in in the salty, sweaty scent of Howard Moon and rested his head on his shoulder, allowing the post coital fatigue to ease him to dream land.

*

Light snoring drifting him out of his restful sleep. Frowning, Vince lifted his pillow and hit Howard over the face with it.

“Woh, what?” Howard spluttered, shaking his head and opening his beady eyes. Upon seeing Vince, his mouth opened in another wide, sunny smile.

“Good morning beautiful,” he said, gripping Vince’s left shoulder to pull him down for a smooch.

“Good morning,” Vince returned his smile. “What’s on for today?”

“Hm…” Howard tugged gently at the hair by Vince’s ear. “Make love again. Slowly, leisurely. Go out and throw satsumas at each other for a while. Tend shop.”

“That sounds very gay,” Vince said, enjoying Howard’s gentle caress of his treasured locks.

“What, throwing satsumas?”

“Well yeah, I guess. I was thinking more you bumming me.”

“Might not be gay.”

“What so it was an accident? Your erection accidentally fell into my bum?”

“I’m just saying a man having sex with another man doesn’t have to be gay. We could be bisexual, or omnisexual.”

“Aren’t you a pc one?” Vince grinned. “Satsuma… satsuma.”

“Satsuma coming in ya,” both sang together, executing a perfect crimp together about satsumas lodging in people’s bums, and causing great pleasure.

Vince allowed the thrill of a naked and willing Howard beside him, to warm his insides as completely as if he’d bathed in heated marmalade.

“Howard…”

“Hm…?”

“Do you really think I’m beautiful?”

“I’m not doing this,” Howard said, pulling down the sheet and clambering up.

“Doing what?”

“Indulging in your vanity.”

“But that’s what you love about me. If you love me, you love all of me.”

“Of course I do,” Howard said. “You know I do.”

Sated, Vince pulled the sheet back and stood up. “Shower? Together?”

Howard placed a hand on the small of his back. “You’re right, with what you said before. We’re very different. But we complement each other, wouldn’t you say? We work _because_ we’re different. You, with your beauty and your charisma and your popularity and your sweetness and me with my… my small eyes.”

Vince bit his upper lip, long eyelashes skittering down and abdomen clenching with sudden awkwardness.

“Howard, why do you think I added the graffiti to the front of the shop? I was having… naughty thoughts of you…”

“Naughty thoughts, huh?” Amusement coloured his tone.

“I don’t care about your disgusting and weird jazz obsession and hanging out with that weirdo Horace. I always thought you were… you were beautiful,” his cheeks flamed.

“Me? Oh, you beautiful sweet man,” Howard entangled his hands in Vince’s hair and brushed their lips together.

*

Bollo stormed down to the shop, deliberate to make as much noise as possible with his large feet. However, as soon as he pulled back the curtains and entered the Nabootique, he realised it didn’t matter. Howard stood by his stationary village, placing a safety pin on the tree, as Vince sat at the counter, talking to one in a line of customers, his celebrity locator spinning on the counter beside him.

“Chris Deburgh? He’s buying a sandwich on High Street, Islington.”

“Thank you,” the mature woman nodded.

“Okay, sorry people, I’ve gotta have lunch. Do you mind coming back in say two hours?” Vince asked.

A collection of voices rang out, as the crowd as a whole apologized.

“No, no it’s fine,” Vince favoured them his brightest of smiles.

As they piled out, Vince walked over to the frowning Howard. Bollo stepped forward. Before him, Vince spoke.

“Oh, don’t be like that, Howard. Why does it matter no one cares about stationary village?”

“Well, I could-“ Bollo trailed off, as Vince’s lips on Howard’s released the frown.

“I guess being with you, I’m going to have to get used to you upstaging me,” Howard said. “What am I saying? I am used to it.”

“You love me though, don’t you?” Vince asked. “Can you cook me a risotto pie?”

“Only if you kiss me again.”

As Vince made good on Howard’s request, Bollo wandered back upstairs.

He came across Naboo in the kitchen, placing a tray of hash cookies in the oven and closing the door.

“I had no sleep last night, with those two and their loud bumming,” Bollo groaned.

“Took them long enough,” Naboo said.

“If Howard hurts Vince, I’ll tear his face off.”

“They’ll be fine,” Naboo said. “I can see into the future. They’ll live a long and happy life together. You, on the other hand, you’re going to die in six hours.”

“I’ve had a long life,” Bollo shrugged.

“Oh no sorry, I’ve got that wrong. That’s Tony Harrison who dies in six hours. And Saboo and the head shaman will be discovered making out behind the crematorium.”

“Vince… Vince…” The voice sounded through the wall.

“Howard, yes yes I need you to bum me…”

“Turn on Bowie,” Naboo ordered Bollo.

“Which decade?”

“Any,” Naboo said, as the moans seeping through the wall increased.


End file.
